It has been a while!!!

Wow...it has been a while since I last posted, mainly because I was busy finishing up school back in San Diego, and then two weeks ago I headed up to the sticks to hang with my family at their cabin. The cabin is on an island about two hours north west of Seattle, and it pretty rustic! We didn't really have internet at all...so I was forced to communicate by phone. Unfortunately, the phone thing didn't last very long ether because it ended up in the bottom of the ocean...lost forever!!! So...although I did lose everyone's phone numbers...I stole my mom's phone and was able to talk to Matt, and Toni, and Cara....each of which I would seriously die if I couldn't talk to for more than a few days ;)

So, I am finally back in Michigan and am looking forward to a great couple of weeks here. I have plans to head up north for labor day and camp next to the river with Toni, Natalie, and some of our other friends here, so that should be really fun! Then the next week and weekend will be all about dress shopping for the girl's dresses in the wedding, and my dress :) I am really excited because it will be the first official thing I am actually doing that is related to the wedding! I figure I still have about 7 months till April...so I am taking my time!

After I get back to San Diego I will have school for two months, and then I am heading to Cara's for a while to stay with her and Shiner. I am really excited to be able to hang out with them for a while...and I think it will be really great for Cara and I since our men will both be deployed at that time. We already talked about having a k/cara's only turkey day...so we will see what happens :)

It was a little hard being around my entire family for two weeks with not much else to do at the cabin. I moved away over a year ago, and have grown a lot since then. I felt like my family really didn't understand the whole deployment situation, or how in love Matt and I are, or how committed we are to having a marriage that lasts a lifetime. Everyone in my family has been divorced, and I promised myself a long time ago that I would end that whole cycle. Part of why I moved to California was to find and improve myself, and strengthen my own individual values and beliefs. Lucky for me, I found a man who was looking for the same things in his life...and our relationship has helped me to grow even more into the best possible person I can be. I realized over the past two weeks how lucky I am to have such amazing friends...especially Cara and P who have such an amazing marriage, and who understand the military lifestyle. I am beyond excited to get to spend a good length of time with Cara...and I know we will be such an amazing support for one another because we will be in the same situation. I am also so lucky to have everyone in San Diego too...like Leslie, Jamie, James, Tom, Tania, Des..and everyone else there. I realized that I truly feel at home in San Diego when I am with all of them...even more than I do when I come back here to Michigan. Of course, I can't leave out Natalie and Toni...who are my Michigan girls and I don't know what I would do without them!!! I love all of my friends, and am so thankful that God has blessed me with all of them!

Matt is doing good out in Iraq. He is friends with everyone, and showing the new people who are now showing up on ia from San Diego all around the base. He has been working a lot, but gets a day off here and there. We get to talk a lot too...so that is really great! I am so proud of him and miss him like crazy! I feel like the luckiest girl ever to be able to be planning our wedding, and to have him in my life. I can't wait until he gets back home, and I get to say I do and become Mrs. Holmes!!! I also can't wait to share our special day with our friends and families. It will be the best day of my life for sure!!!

Well, I am still on California time so it is really late here, and I am sure I should be sleeping. My kitty poof is already passed out and sleeping on my feet...I am happy to see her! I had to leave her with my parents in Michigan when I moved because she loves to be outside, and that never would have worked in Ca. I love it when I come home and visit her though...and she still remembers me :) I guess if I can't sleep next to Matt then poof is the next best thing ;)

I want to send love to all of my friends...and let you all know I am thinking about you and missing you! And of course all of my love to my Johnny Holmes....the love of my life and my hero!

He is everywhere....

I realized again tonight that God really is watching out for me, providing for me, and loving me all the time. He has always answers my inner prayers...even the ones that I didn't even consciously pray, but the ones that are buried deep within my soul. He has always come through for me, and sends me his angels at all the right times. When I was young, He sent me angels via my animals. My two dogs and goat were exactly what I needed when I felt lonely, or that no one was there for me. When I was a teenager He guided my best friend Toni to look out for me, and my parents to send me away to a school where I was surrounded by counselors and staff that truly helped me, and changed my life. When I moved to San Diego He provided me with a great roommate who was there for me, and helped me start my wonderful life here. When I was about to give up on love He blessed me with Matt, and more love than I ever thought possible. When I felt as though I didn't have any girlfriends here, and really needed one, He brought me Cara, who has continued to be an angel in my life. When Matt left and I needed someone around to remind me how happy I am with my life, He brought me Leslie and James, who have been a big support during this hard time. After a long weekend that left me feeling a bit run down and lonely, He blessed me with Tania, who got me out of the house and helped me to experience a great girls night!

God knows what I need better than I do, and He provides it for me before I even have time to ask Him. I am so thankful to have Him in my life, be able to recognize His blessings, and let Him guide me through every step of my life.

It is very hard with the love of my life being gone for so long...But I know that God gives and takes away. As soon as Matt left it was like God used the people we know to surround me, support me, and get me through! He took Matt away for a short while, but gave me back some really close friends, and a wonderful and supportive second family added on top of my own family. And He has been blessing Matt and I continually by giving us the words we can say to each other every day to make our love stronger and stronger.

I realize that life isn't perfect...But that God takes horrible situations and turns them in to opportunities for His love for us to shine through! I am always amazed at the depth of God's love, and by the depth of blessings that He has given me in my life. Even when I don't know what I truly want or need in my life, God knows...and He blesses me with the people I need to help me be the person He wants me to be, and knows that I am inside.

It is so amazing to see God, even in the little things. In a stranger's kind smile, in the nice words of an old man, in a beautiful sunset, in the advice and added push from a fellow surfer, in a text message or phone call, in the help of the people at the post office, in the friendly wave of a neighbor, in the packages from people that love you, in the wedding planning advice and help from everyone....God is all around me, and is always sending me His love through His children.

I just hope that someday I can be someone's angel...and provide the little things they need to get them through their life. That's why we always have to be looking out for God, and for the opportunities He gives us to love one another as He loves us. Without us...God's job is so much harder. He needs His angels here on the earth to show everyone how much He loves them...and that He is with them, looking out for them, and blessing them each and every day of their lives.

I am so thankful to all of my angels...I could never do this whole thing called life without them. And I am so thankful that God has blessed me with them...to show me His amazing love!

I believe....

Cara inspired this one....What do you believe?

I believe that God is real, and that He is always with us.

I believe that God answers prayers.

I believe in soul mates, and love that was meant to be.

I believe that marriages can and do last forever.

I believe in loving completely, and with all of your being.

I believe in a love that never dies or fades away.

I believe that my fiance is the most kind and loving man I have ever known.

I believe in faith and hope.

I believe that love is contagious.

I believe that the foundation of a family starts with the marriage.

I believe in being carefree, fun, and weird!

I believe in being yourself, and not caring what other people think.

I believe in best friends.

I believe in embracing the child within you.

I believe that God guides us through life...If we look and listen for Him.

I believe that true love really does exist.

I believe that expressing love requires true unselfishness.

I believe that God uses His children to get His will done on earth.

I believe in signs from God.

I believe in giving back what God has given us.

I believe that meanness truly attracts more meanness.

I believe that America's families are falling apart, but that there is hope for improvement.

I believe that it only takes one person to end the cycle of family problems.

I believe that the people fighting for our country are fighting for a good cause, and deserve to be appreciated for what they do.

I believe that love can span the distance between two heart separated by thousands of miles.

I believe in the exception to the rule.

I believe in love at first sight...for both lovers, and friends.

I believe in the power of people coming together to be there for one another.

I believe that God has a plan for our lives before we are even a thought in our parent's minds.

I believe that the true message of Jesus Christ is to love one another.

I believe that stuffed animals do serve a purpose in an adult life.

I believe that we need to tell our children how special they are each and every day.

I believe in tough love, and discipline.

I believe that a happy, healthy, strong marriage is the best foundation to raise a child.

I believe that some animals are really angels in disguise, sent down from God to keep children company, families together, and people happy.

I believe that a world without love is not what God intended when He made the beautiful universe.

I believe in being loyal at all times, and forever.

I believe that love is more important than any physical thing in this world. And it is only love that will matter at the end of our lives. Not the car we drove, the house we lived in, the dresses we wore, the ring we were given, the color of our hair, or shape of our body....Only how much we loved one another...and how much we were loved.

Benches....

I decided tonight that benches were made for couples...I rode Matt's bike to our park tonight to watch the sunset over the ocean, and sat on one of the benches. I sat there for a while watching the sun and the waves, and then a couple walked up. They looked over at me on the bench...like they wanted to sit there...and then went over to another bench and sat down. I looked around and realized that all the benches had couples sitting on them. I felt bad taking up a perfectly good bench by myself...so I moved over to the rocks, and right away I looked back and the bench was already taken by another couple...

I actually don't feel like I'm by myself because of how much love is invested in that park, and in that sunset...It's the place where Matt and I had our first picnic, where we walked to and talked about everything..life, love, family, hopes and dreams...It's the place where Matt first talked to me about loving life, and not taking one day for granted...and where I really began to believe that maybe I had found the love of my life...and it's where Matt proposed, and instantly made me the happiest girl in the whole world. When I am there I feel like I am with him, and I am happy...and I miss him!

I sat and listened to the couple who took my spot on the bench, and the woman talked for a while..the man then interrupted over and over again, he put her down. He pointed out her failures, talked down to her, and never really listened to her. It made me so mad...I just wanted to yell at him and ask him how he would feel if suddenly she were gone, and the last things he said to her were things that made her feel bad about herself. It makes me so mad when couples take each other for granted...because they just expect that the person will always be there...and don't realize how much their life would change if that person were suddenly gone.

I guess when you don't have the luxury of having the person you love never go away from more then a few days or a week at a time...you realize how precious your relationship really is...and how much you love and depend on that person.

The worst part is the longing for them when they are gone...the best part is making the most of every second they are near you.

Two days in...

I found this song by Bonnie Raitt and thought that some of the verses rang true for me now.

The song is called "I don't want anything to change"

You left a mess you're everywhere
I'd pick it up but I don't dare
I don't want anything to changeI don't want anything to change
There's nothing I would rearrange
I don't want anything to change

I know the truth is right outside
But for the moment it's best denied
I don't want anything to change

Since I am now officially moving into Matt's room while he is gone I have to rearrange everything so I have places to put all of my stuff...But it's hard to move things around...It seems like everything here is really different already, and all I want is for something to seem the same. So I rearranged a bit, and left a lot of things how they were. Mostly the things that remind me of him...We are two days in and already on our way in this new adventure...All I know is that I love him more everyday, even if he isn't right here beside me....

It's all about the jibe!!!

Matt and I have had an amazing last few weeks here in San Diego! We rented a sailboat twice and went sailing in mission bay. It was absolutely amazing, and we had so much fun! It was funny because we have both sailed before, and walked into the store where the sailboats are with lots of confidence...the guy asked us if we had sailing experience and we went on and on about how we have sailed different boats, and how Matt took classes at the academy...we were feeling all confident and proud...until the guy handed us a "simple" sailing test and we both looked at each other with worried looks on our faces! Luckily, the guy basically gave us all the answers, and let us pass!!! We took the little boat out and had so much fun that we took Matt's grandpa back out the next week while he was visiting. (and consulted some of our friends with real experience before heading back, in case we got the test again)

As a future marriage and family counselor who will be dealing with couples all the time, I am going to suggest that all of them rent a sailboat together, take it out sailing, and then come back to me and tell me all about it! It is an amazing way to see how your relationship really works...both people have to work together, and both are a little nervous, so their true colors really come out. The funny thing with Matt and I is that we have completely different approaches to sailing, and at times, we did annoy each other a little! But...we recognized our differences and laughed about it the whole time! We also adjusted our own feelings, and actions in order to work with one another and sail our little boat. We had such a great time!!! It really showed us how well we work together, and how much fun we always have when we are with each other.

When we got back to the dock the first time we took the boat out there was a huge sea lion sitting right where we had to go! It was so funny! One of the guys who works there came to the end of the dock and yelled at the sea lion to leave...which just made the sea lion mad, so he started barking at the guy and chasing him away. All of the dogs on the boats near by also started barking, because they all hate sea lions, and it was a huge barking mess! The guy who worked there went and got a big stick and showed it to the sea lion, who then got back in the water, came up for air right by us and kind of spit at us, and then went to another dock and barked even louder at the worker guy, us, and the dogs....It was the funniest thing I have ever seen!!!

We had fun with grandpa too, and he even sailed us around for a while all on his own! It is so amazing to be out on the water with someone that you love! I am so lucky to have found Matt...He is the love of my life! We love to do so many of the same things, and are always up for an adventure! I can't believe I get to spend the rest of my life with someone as amazing as him! He loves me for who I am...and even when I am angry or upset or acting like a 2 year old...He is always there for me, welcoming me with a big hug and smile, and loving me more then anyone ever has or ever will!!!

We are ENGAGED!!!!! :)

A week ago today Matt made me the happiest girl in the whole world.......

The day started off with me getting up early to go and get my cousin Natalie from the airport. She came in from Michigan via Texas after a conference, and would stay with me at Matt's place for the week. I was so excited to see her, and couldn't wait to get to the airport! I met her there, and after waiting in traffic for an hour we finally got back to Matt's apartment. Natalie had not met Matt yet, so I was really excited for her to meet him for the first time!

Natalie, Leslie, and I all went out to lunch, and Matt ended up staying home because "his stomach hurt." So us girls went out and ate and hung out for the afternoon. After we got back Matt and Les went to the store to get food for a bbq we were having later that night. Natalie and I just hung out, and of course I talked about Matt, how we met, how much in love with him I am, how amazing he is....I probably went on forever!

After Les and Matt got back, Les suggested that we take Natalie out walking by the ocean so that she could see the water, the sunset, and take pictures. I decided that would be a good idea and went in to tell Matt that we were gonna go for a walk.

So, the three of us set out walking in a neighborhood in La Jolla where Matt and I used to walk at night. We really got to know each other on these walks...We would always walk near the ocean, hold each other's hand, and talk about everything! Along the way there is a park where we used to stop and look at the waves far down the cliff below, and where we had our first picnic. I guess you could say we fell in love on those streets, in that neighborhood, in the park....

We got to the park about 30 minutes before sunset. On the way there I talked about how Matt and I used to always walk back there, and how we had our picnic at the park. I talked about how happy I was that tonight there were clouds in the sky...and how pretty the sunset would be. I had no idea at all that tonight would be the night that would change my life forever!!!

When we got to the park Matt and I walked over to some rocks and sat down. Natalie sat on the other side of us, and we all watched the sun get lower, the clouds turn pink and orange, and the birds fly overhead. Matt suggested that Natalie take a picture of us before the sun went down, so we stood in front of the sunset and she took the picture. I went to walk away and take a picture of Natalie next, but Matt grabbed my arms and wouldn't let me go. Haha...I said "what are you doing?" and He said that he had to ask me something and kissed me, and I kept wondering why he was acting so weird....When he started to drop to his knee it finally hit me...."Oh my gosh...He's proposing!" At first though, I thought he was kidding since he kids around all the time, and I started to back up. He held on to my hand tight and then I realized it was actually happening!!!! At first I also started saying "no" and I think it scared him...but I meant no as in oh my gosh I can't believe this is happening!!! and don't joke around about it....But in my heart all I was saying was YES, YES, YES when I realized he was really proposing!

He got down on his knee and said "baby, will you marry me?" and I screamed "oh my gosh" about a million times...and of course, said YES!!! I was in absolute shock!!!! He stood up and I jumped on him and almost knocked him off the cliff. He finally had to ask if I wanted to see the ring, and then opened the box and put it on my finger. I was still in shock!!!! I was so happy...It was literally the best day of my life, and the best moment of my life so far.

When I turned around, I saw a letter sitting on a rock with my name on it. I opened it and read Matt's loving words...I was filled with emotion, and cannot describe the way I felt right then. I could barely read the letter because I was shaking with happiness!!! We took a few more pictures, and headed back to the house. I don't think I stopped smiling until I fell asleep that night.

By the time we walked back from the park everyone was at the apartment waiting for us. Matt's friends Brian, James, and Jack came down just to celebrate, and Les cooked a ton of bbq. We all hung out all night and it was so nice to have all of their support! Of course I called my mom, who was waiting up to hear from me, and texted everyone I know!

I found out later that Matt actually called my mom to ask her permission to propose to me. They haven't had a chance to meet yet, so it was really special that he would call her! I guess he tried to get a hold of her for a while and finally left a message on my parent's answering machine almost yelling with excitement that he loved me and wanted to propose to me, but he needed her permission first. She called him right back and said that she was so excited, and would have waited by the phone if she would have known. Of course she gave her blessing!

Natalie became an accomplice while we were all out to lunch when Les took her outside to wait for me and let her in on the whole plan. She was so excited she could barely keep it a secret.

Matt actually bought the ring while I was in Texas with Cara, and Les helped him pick out the ring!!! Which is absolutely beautiful, by the way!

Everyone knew about it, and was in on it except me! And that made it absolutely perfect!!!

I am blessed beyond my wildest dreams to have Matt in my life, and to have the kind of love that we share. I am also blessed to have so many amazing friends, and family who are so supportive of Matt and I, and of our engagement to each other.

I cannot wait to marry him....he is the absolute love of my life....my hero.

We have lots of pictures and a video of the proposal, but they are on Natalie's camera so I will post them as soon as she gets back and sends them to me.

We are so excited...I cannot even describe the feelings that we are both feeling, and the amount of love that is in both of our hearts!!!

We love all of our friends and family...and are so thankful and blessed to have everyone in our lives! We are especially thankful to God for bringing us together, and for being with us always.