There are no rules to this thing...

"For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."

This quote from the movie "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" is one that will no doubt stay with me forever. I am realizing more and more that things don't just happen by chance...that there is a reason, a plan, and divine intervention.

Over the summer I took a group counseling class as part of my master's degree program. I was enrolled to take the class last summer and ended up dropping it because I didn't have time to work and take 3 classes at the same time. The class came around again this summer and I was truly changed by the professor of the class, and by my classmates. We all took part in our own group therapy-group, and it was truly amazing to bond with each and every member of the group through sharing of our own life experiences. This class led me to see the ways in which I discount myself...Thinking I am always less than I really am, or worse at things than I really am. With encouragement from my group-mates, I promised to give myself a chance, and be willing to take risks in order to continue finding the things I truly love about myself.

The night of our last group meeting was my big break-through, and I left that night open to new opportunities for my own growth. When I got home and checked my e-mail I found the class schedule from our yoga studio, and it listed a class called "The Artist's Way" with a description that the class was an expressive arts therapy class and was meant to help people rediscover their creativity and internal gifts of creating paintings, clay work, drawings, and art through writing. If it weren't for my group class I would have never had the courage to sign up...but I immediately sent out an e-mail to the teacher for the class telling her I wanted to register immediately! After talking to Judy, the teacher, I could hardly wait for our first day of class to start!

My journey through this amazing class has opened up doors in my life that I slammed shut years ago. Doors that closed because people told me I wasn't good at singing, dancing, writing...doors that I closed because I didn't want to get hurt....doors that I closed because people told me "you can't" or "you will never be" or "you're stupid"....

I have rediscovered my love and talent for writing, and for being able to see an entire story like a movie in my mind...scene by scene...and I have opened the doors to the girl I was in my childhood...a girl who loved to play and imagine and dance...and who never cared what other people thought of her.

I have come to the realization that I was given these gifts by God so that I could actually use them in my life...to tell stories, write movies, let people know how much I love and care for them through letters and poetry, and love the person I really am underneath all the fear and shame...the person God has always intended me to be.

I don't think it's a coincidence that I took the group class when I did, or that I found the artist's way, or that I was told by a friend that the government is offering money to spouses who are going back to school and that my current school isn't a part of the program but the screenwriting classes I found at UCLA are all covered under the government money grant....or that I prayed for God to give me a sign that what I am doing is what He wants me to do and then I go to the movie store to get a movie for class that's already rented out and saw the Benjamin Button move, which I have been meaning to see since it came out, and that the movie talked to me through this quote...and through it's message.

I love the quote because it says that we can always start over...that we have control over our own lives...that there are no rules or way it should be done...that we can make the best or the worst of it...that we can be whoever we want to be...and that if we aren't happy, we can choose a different life for ourselves.

I will admit that I am afraid of Introduction to Screenwriting 1...I'm afraid I wont be able to do it, or no one will like my story, or that I will never make a living as a screenwriter, or that all of my family and friends will think I'm just plain crazy...But the passion and curiosity of that little girl I have found within myself again overrides it all...and pushes me to take the first step...to take a risk...to change my life's work and who I am and want to be...and for once in my life...I AM LISTENING TO HER!