Farm Thoughts

A Farm Weekend By: Kara Holmes (Tara and Craig’s niece, and Auntie Liz’s daughter)

If you were to ask me a year ago what I thought about all of this farm business, I would have said I didn’t want anything to do with it. I would have said that I am sick of hearing about chickens and pigs and sustainable crops every time I went to visit my aunt and uncle in San Francisco. I would have said that since we are a military family, my husband and I had different plans for our life that would never include taking care of animals and crops on a farm up in Petaluma (which seemed to me to be the middle of nowhere). I would have said I liked the whole sail boat venture WAY better than this new farm idea. That was last year…before I was able to see the dream of owning this farm put into action. I just got home from a weekend trip up to the farm to visit my mom, Auntie Liz, and drop off her dog, who we have been watching for the summertime until she got settled on the farm. I was anticipating a lot of work, which I didn’t really want to do on my little mini-vacation, but what I experienced was more than I would have ever expected. There has never before been a time in my life where my favorite family members have lived all together in one place, and I have never even dreamed of all of them actually eating meals together every day, or working together toward a common goal. That was completely out of the question…until my aunt and uncle decided they wanted more for their lives. Their willingness to risk everything in order to start and build an organic farm hasn’t only benefited them, but has benefited our whole family, and the community around them. The farm is open to all kinds of people from all over the world who share a common goal of wanting to work hard to produce fresh, healthy meat and produce for the community, and people who are willing to open themselves up in order to teach other people how to do it too! Everyone on the farm comes together to take care of something…whether it be people, chickens, pigs, turkeys, cats, dogs, vegetables, or fruit, and each of them gives their all to make sure that everyone and everything has everything they need to grow and thrive. It was wonderful to spend quality time with my mom, Auntie Liz, who is in charge of taking care of the people on the farm by making sure they have a hot meal for breakfast and dinner every day, and gathering the eggs from the laying hens. When you know deep down inside that you are providing healthy food to busy, hungry, hard working people, it just warms your heart. Though everyone on the farm has certain tasks that they are responsible for, it is also amazing to see everyone come together to do whatever needs to be done, and help out wherever they can. If you were to ask me years ago whether my family would be living and working all together in order to improve the lives of others, I would have said no way because they were all in different states, working various jobs, and devoting their lives to their own little families within the family. Today, it is amazing to see that what started out as a little idea has now become the foundation for bringing my family together, and strengthening not only my own family, but the families in the community as well.

A year ago I would have told you that my husband and I were completely devoted to the military, and to his career above all else, but after experiencing our first deployment, we realized that what matters most in life is just spending time with each other. Although we don’t know for sure what our future will hold, we do know that we want to have a close family, and that some time on the farm is somewhere in our future. When Matt leaves for deployment next year, I will be heading up to the farm to stay for 5 months while he is gone. I can’t wait to experience that time on the farm with my family, and to contribute whatever I can in order to provide the food and experiences that will strengthen our family, and the community. I used to think happiness was mostly about having money, and having enough money to go on expensive vacations, or on the sail boat out in the Caribbean, but the more I experience time with my family on the farm, the more I realize it wasn’t the vacations or the boat that made me happy, it was being able to spend quality time with my family. Now that the farm has gone from a dream to a realization, there will always be a place where my family can come together, and spend quality time with one another. What more could I ever ask for? I want to thank Tara and Craig for not being afraid to take a risk in order to bring true abundance into their lives, and my mom and step-dad and everyone else on the farm for supporting them in creating that abundance…abundance of learning, love, family, food, and helping others. It is an abundance that has touched my life and my heart forever, and something that my husband and I want to do all we can to support it in order to bring that same abundance into the lives of our future family.

There are no rules to this thing...

"For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."

This quote from the movie "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" is one that will no doubt stay with me forever. I am realizing more and more that things don't just happen by chance...that there is a reason, a plan, and divine intervention.

Over the summer I took a group counseling class as part of my master's degree program. I was enrolled to take the class last summer and ended up dropping it because I didn't have time to work and take 3 classes at the same time. The class came around again this summer and I was truly changed by the professor of the class, and by my classmates. We all took part in our own group therapy-group, and it was truly amazing to bond with each and every member of the group through sharing of our own life experiences. This class led me to see the ways in which I discount myself...Thinking I am always less than I really am, or worse at things than I really am. With encouragement from my group-mates, I promised to give myself a chance, and be willing to take risks in order to continue finding the things I truly love about myself.

The night of our last group meeting was my big break-through, and I left that night open to new opportunities for my own growth. When I got home and checked my e-mail I found the class schedule from our yoga studio, and it listed a class called "The Artist's Way" with a description that the class was an expressive arts therapy class and was meant to help people rediscover their creativity and internal gifts of creating paintings, clay work, drawings, and art through writing. If it weren't for my group class I would have never had the courage to sign up...but I immediately sent out an e-mail to the teacher for the class telling her I wanted to register immediately! After talking to Judy, the teacher, I could hardly wait for our first day of class to start!

My journey through this amazing class has opened up doors in my life that I slammed shut years ago. Doors that closed because people told me I wasn't good at singing, dancing, writing...doors that I closed because I didn't want to get hurt....doors that I closed because people told me "you can't" or "you will never be" or "you're stupid"....

I have rediscovered my love and talent for writing, and for being able to see an entire story like a movie in my mind...scene by scene...and I have opened the doors to the girl I was in my childhood...a girl who loved to play and imagine and dance...and who never cared what other people thought of her.

I have come to the realization that I was given these gifts by God so that I could actually use them in my life...to tell stories, write movies, let people know how much I love and care for them through letters and poetry, and love the person I really am underneath all the fear and shame...the person God has always intended me to be.

I don't think it's a coincidence that I took the group class when I did, or that I found the artist's way, or that I was told by a friend that the government is offering money to spouses who are going back to school and that my current school isn't a part of the program but the screenwriting classes I found at UCLA are all covered under the government money grant....or that I prayed for God to give me a sign that what I am doing is what He wants me to do and then I go to the movie store to get a movie for class that's already rented out and saw the Benjamin Button move, which I have been meaning to see since it came out, and that the movie talked to me through this quote...and through it's message.

I love the quote because it says that we can always start over...that we have control over our own lives...that there are no rules or way it should be done...that we can make the best or the worst of it...that we can be whoever we want to be...and that if we aren't happy, we can choose a different life for ourselves.

I will admit that I am afraid of Introduction to Screenwriting 1...I'm afraid I wont be able to do it, or no one will like my story, or that I will never make a living as a screenwriter, or that all of my family and friends will think I'm just plain crazy...But the passion and curiosity of that little girl I have found within myself again overrides it all...and pushes me to take the first step...to take a risk...to change my life's work and who I am and want to be...and for once in my life...I AM LISTENING TO HER!

When will you take your place?

This semester has been one of the best I have ever had at school, with my group therapy class easily being the best class I have ever taken as a graduate student. Not only am I learning a lot about how to lead groups for clients in the future, but I am also bonding with my classmates and learning about myself and my own strengths and struggles. With only two classes left, I went to class last night feeling a little sad that I wouldn't be seeing my classmates and professor every week anymore, and decided to share a bit of what I have learned about myself over the past 12 weeks. After I shared my own experience and inner life struggles with self-esteem, confidence, and feeling somewhat unworthy, my professor said something to me that I will never forget. He said:

"When will you take your place at the banquet of life?"

The imagery and power behind this one sentence spoke to me, and I immediately knew that until I value and love myself, I will never take my place at the banquet of life. I know that many people, especially women, struggle with feelings of unworthiness because of their past experiences or societal pressures, and I wonder if more people wouldn't benefit from hearing this simple quote about standing up for yourself and making sure you have your own place in life.

That's the reason I am doing what I am doing. I could have gone down a different road, and would have been finishing up law school next year if I would have decided to continue pursuing that field...But I am studying psychology instead and learning to be a therapist because there are too many people in this world who have never been told that they are worthy and valuable, and that they deserve a place in this banquet of life.

My journey toward taking my own place at the banquet of life isn't over yet...and if fact, is just beginning! It's a long road that leads to the undoing of years of letting life pass you bye, but it's a road worth traveling down in order to take control of myself and prepare myself to truly take my place at the banquet of life.

I am so excited to be taking this journey, and I know that self-love and self-value are waiting for me at the other end of the tunnel. I am officially kick-starting my journey by taking an art-yoga-therapy class at our yoga studio! The class focuses on finding your inner self, and the child within you that has been lost to the negative experiences of life through creative art, movement, imagery, and writing. I hope that this class will be a big step in finding the little girl I used to be who was never afraid to speak her mind, dance to her own music, and be her own happy person! I hope to use what I learn in this class to then help others find the love for and confidence in themselves that will lead them directly to their own place at this wonderful banquet of life!!!

Check out this blog!!!!

I know it's been forever since I posted on here...but I do get on to check everyone else's blogs all the time! I have actually been busy working on a blog for my family farm up in San Francisco and I wanted all of you to check it out :) Just go to: tarafirmafarms.com (blogger page)

My aunt and uncle are business geniuses who built their own long term care insurance company from the ground up. They have done and experienced almost everything...and are now setting out on a more family/environment oriented adventure. They began Tara Firma Farms, an all natural, chemical free, cruelty free becoming organic farm that offers fresh produce and meat. The vision for the farm is to bring both my family and other people's families together to experience what it is like to be environmentally conscious in raising animals and growing produce.

My mom and dad have been on the farm for a few months now helping out in any way they can, and believe so much in the vision for the farm that they are going back and forth between there home in Michigan and the farm in order to be a part of this wonderful experience. I was lucky enough to be able to visit the farm back in May, and had an amazing time taking care of the animals and setting up a green house where all the produce begins growing. It's an amazing experience to have all of my family together after being separated by distance for so long, and I am excited about living up on the farm next summer since Matt will be gone. Hopefully I can talk some of my friends into coming out next summer and seeing what the farm is all about!!! (Cara, Natalie, Toni, Taylor, Steph, Becky...This means YOU!)

Please check out their blog and become followers so you can see what's going on up there, and please feel free to give me tips on how I can improve the blog too!

P.S. I am about to fill up Clifford's puppy pool with water and stand back with my camera... so I will be posting pics of that soon!!! :)

Hard to believe...

It's hard to believe that exactly year ago yesterday Matt and I packed up his stuff and made the drive to base so that he could set out on what was one of the hardest things we had ever done so far as a couple...his first deployment. Sometimes it still feels like just yesterday I was hugging him for the last time in 7 months (but what felt like the last time in forever) and then walking away with tears in my eyes, leaving him standing there alone. We found ourselves saying goodbye once again this morning, and, although this time it was just for a few days, I couldn't help the tears from falling. No...I'm not crazy, and I know he will be back by the end of the weekend, but the memory of the last time we said goodbye is still in my heart, and brought up all those emotions of sadness and longing.

As you other pilot's wives know being a new guy in a squadron isn't easy, and on top of everything else he has to do, Matt is coming off of a year break from flying since the Marines needed him to fill another much needed spot in Iraq. He is more busy now then he has ever been, and doing an amazing job working and flying even though he is overwhelmed and exhausted. It would be easy for him to get angry and lose sight of his passion for flying and serving his country amid all of the stress...but he still comes home every night excited about just flying the best he can.

I am so proud of Matt, and proud of the life that we are building together! Sometimes it's hard when I realize that there so many things I want to do and share with him that I will end up doing on my own because of his schedule...and it's easy to feel a little lonely. But then I realize how lucky I am to have Matt in my life at all...and how amazing it is to be able to build a marriage and life with him...and I can't help but be filled with happiness.

You could say that military wives have to go through a lot...and that's true. There's lot that we have to deal with that other wives don't...there are more goodbyes, more missed holidays, more planning our lives around his schedule, more time spent sleeping alone at night...But we also get to experience our lives and marriages with depth that can only be reached through a little suffering. We all know first hand what our daily lives would be like without our husbands in them, so there is no time to take him for granted...we learn to soak up every moment, and let the joy and happiness we feel last as long as possible. Our love is not one that can only last if it is nurtured day in and day out...but a love that reaches over thousands of miles to keep us closer to one another than a couple who spends every day together. It's no ordinary life...and it's no ordinary love.

Although this weekend will include one of those times when Matt and I are not able to share an exciting event in our lives together, (picking up our puppy) it's another opportunity for us both to know just how loved we are...it's an opportunity for us to lean on our friends and share our life experiences with them. Instead of going to pick up Clifford by myself on Sunday, our friend Stephanie will be there with me to take pictures and keep him from eating my car on the ride home. I cannot describe in words how much love and support our friends bring into our life together, or how much I love all of them. The time I spent with our friends here in San Diego, and with Cara in Virginia last year, led to the deepening of my friendships in ways I never knew possible.

The life of a military wife is many things...but for me, it's a life filled with more love than any one person was ever meant to have...and I thank God for this life... through the struggles and triumphs... each and every day.

Puppy Update

After picking out Clifford last weekend, we have been counting down the weeks until we can go back and finally bring him home! Our breeder Cathy sent us some updated pictures of the puppies tonight, and they are SO cute!!! Ugh...it's gonna be so hard to wait another two weeks! We are beginning to get everything Clifford will need, and to puppy proof the house, though, so it's good that we have some time to prepare for the first addition to our family :) We will keep you all updated as we get closer to "P-DAY" (puppy day).

Here are the pics...the only problem is that they all look so much alike, we can't tell for sure which one is Clifford! They are all super cute though ;)

We think he might be the little guy sleeping by the frog in the second pic...

Which one do you think is Clifford?

Pretty sure that's him napping by the frog...we will have to get him one when he comes home! Gosh, lab puppies are the cutest little things in the whole world, aren't they? Can't wait!!!

Summer 2009...so far!

Wow...this summer is starting out busy, but soooo amazing! I feel like a million things have happened since May...Cara's walk in Texas, school starting, a trip to Big Bear, hanging out with friends in San Diego, my friends Toni and Corey getting engaged, my mom's dog coming to visit, and picking out the newest member of the Holmes family!!! Here is a quick summery of each:

Cara's Corps 2009 in Houston, TX: I was honored to join Cara in Texas again this year for her walk...and I am so happy that her and P finally got to hang out in their favorite place together again, and take their honeymoon too! The walk was amazing...there were almost double the people from last year and we raised over $10,000! I know that we all love Cara so much that we just won't sit back and let CF win...we will fight it together until there is cure! I always feel so lucky to be able to go to Texas and spend time with Cara and her family (Shiner too!) and friends...and this trip was wonderful as usual!

P.S. Just a small tip for those of you who ever get the chance to try Cara's step-mom Rosalba's sangria...If you start eating the fruit in the bottom of the pitcher you may not be able to stand afterward! ;) But it's soooooo good!

Cara and I with Warren...It's a tradition!

Out at a bar that ISN"T filled with smoke! I love Cara and her friends!

The team at the walk!

School starting isn't that exciting...I am taking Group Therapy, Maladaptive, and Development. Can't you hear me bursting with excitement? Yeah pry not...But it is nice to be back in school and learning how to help people who really need it. I am setting up a volunteer site at a hospice in San Diego so I can start getting some good experience before I do my internship next year, so I will keep you all updated on how that goes. One of my friends from school, Caroline, is getting married in a few weeks and Matt and I are very excited to go to our first wedding together!

For Memorial Day we decided to head up to Big Bear and rent a cabin for a few days. It was tons of fun but very dry and we had to adjust to that! We had a lot of fun cooking out, hiking, going out on the lake, and watching an outdoor movie with all the neighbors. It is absolutely beautiful up there in the mountains, and we both felt like it was a nice mini-vacation.

On the way up!

Fishing on the lake...we didn't catch anything but we still had fun!

We finally found a "big bear" ;)

I was very excited when my friend Toni called me to let me know that she and her boyfriend Corey got engaged! It was very cute...He had a puzzle made with their picture on it and inside the puzzle box was the ring! Can't wait for their wedding next June! Believe it or not, we are figuring out what I would have to do to be able to legally officiate the ceremony!!! They wanted someone close to them to do it and not a stranger, and I am honored that they asked me :) I will let you know how preparations are going! You can check out pics of Toni and Corey in my blog before this!

We have enjoyed hanging out with our friends here in San Diego too! Most of the time we all make dinner and hang out at one of our houses, or go out to eat, or bbq, or go out downtown. There are so many things to do here in SD...and I am so excited that Matt will be here this summer to experience all of the fun with me :) We do miss our friends who are deployed...James, Tom, and the rest of the guys...and are keeping them in our prayers all the time!

We are just waiting for the ocean to warm up a bit and then we will be going out surfing every weekend...so I am really looking forward to that! We are also planning on going to a lot of baseball games and doing other fun things over the summer where we can get big groups of us to go :)

A few weeks ago my mom sent her dog Buffy out so that we could watch her for the summer, and it has been great! She is great practice for our lab puppy and we have had so much fun playing with her and taking her on walks! She is a sweet girl, poodle-shish tzu mix, and 10 years old, but she still acts and plays like a puppy! She is in love with Matt and is always laying on him, cuddling up to him, and crying when he leaves...haha, it's the cutest thing! We will have Buffy until about September, and are hoping she can teach our puppy lots of good things :)

She looooves her new bed and stuffed duck!

Hey! That used to be my spot!

First, I just have to say that the following pictures are two of our favorite labs Shiner and Tucker's fault...Ever since we met Tucker over a year ago at the Durnin's house we knew we wanted to get a lab someday! Then, to make matters worse...I was able to meet and spend time with Shiner when I stayed with Cara over the winter....and then got to see him again when I went to Texas! Matt and I just couldn't stand it anymore, and even moved to a new townhouse so that we could get a dog...and seeing Shi a few weeks ago and having Buffy just pushed us over the edge! We were in full puppy-fever and couldn't stop looking for breeders online. We were lucky enough to find an amazing breeder with the sweetest dogs...and went "just look" at puppies on Saturday (which was the highlight of our week). Well...this is what happened:

First we met the parents...Pat and Sedona! Pat, who weighs 110lbs, came in and immediately leaned against us and rolled over on his back all flopped out on the floor so we would scratch his belly. Sedona sat quietly and sweetly and just looked up at us with loving eyes that begged for a good petting. They were absolutely perfect and well-behaved, and they are only 2 1/2! We knew immediately that we wanted a dog just like Pat because he is a mixture of Tucker and Shiner and got soooo excited to play with the puppies!

Then we met the puppies! There were 4 male puppies left and we spent 2 hours on the floor playing with each of them and trying to get a feel for their little personalities :) We both agreed that this guy (the biggest of the litter) looked the most like his dad and had a balance of courage, playfulness, and just plain love...

No one could resist that face!!! Not even Matt...who was very careful to not let me get my hopes up too much since this was the first time we went out looking at puppies. But...it was love at first sight ;) He is going to be an amazing daddy!!!

So here he is...our little puppy Clifford! He is 5 weeks old and we get to pick him up in 3 weeks :) We can't wait, and are so excited to officially add the first member to our family!!! We will keep you updated on his growth...he is going to be a big boy, and I know from watching Shi that he will be an adult before we know it!

Well...that's our summer so far, and I can't wait to see what the coming months will bring us! I am overjoyed that I get to spend this summer with Matt and our little family and friends...and plan to force all of our other friends to come and visit! (You all know who you are...Cara and P, Kasey, Erin, Toni and Corey, Natalie and Shane, Taylor and Jon, and everyone else who isn't here on the west coast) .